Author: Kaleathia Murphy

I’m learning that everything isn’t always profitable that comes out my mouth. I must not always say what’s in mind. It’s been a constant battle with my tongue and me. I’m having to chant in my head, “think before you speak”. It is truly a time to speak and a time not speak. But knowing when to speak or not speak is my dilemma. It came to my attention how I hurt many with my conversations. I wasn’t aware of it until I did a self-check. I was able to recall every conversation and in those conversations  there was a way out of speaking. I felt so convicted once I realized that it wasn’t profitable. In fact, I may have lost a  relationship or two.  Now, I’m left pondering the question, ” how can something so small be so lethal??”

I’ve learned that speaking is about timing and content. It’s a time to share it and it’s a time not to share. For instance, if my husband is having a problem with someone and I add to what he’s currently feeling. That’s not mature or correct. I should hear my husband out and try to come up with a solution; not add gossip to the conversation. One who makes someone more upset isn’t a wise person to take advice from.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s okay to speak. I failed miserably by not going to people during a misunderstanding. Misunderstandings can only be communicated so that each person can hear one another out. Texts and emails just won’t do. I made a mistake trying to resolve a matter that way. Epic fail on my part.

In essence,  when I speak I have a choice to speak something profitable. It’s a battle that I fight each day. But when I keep my mind on what’s above, I’m victorious each time I speak. Yes, I may speak but only what is right and what is true to the hearer.

Our marriage has been through money problems, affairs, job loss, in-laws and  you want the marriage? I know what I’m talking about. If you are not being abused you can have  marriage you want.

If I had to correlate marriage from year to year, I would use baseball. I hit that ball everyday but at times I strike out, hit foul balls and occasions smack some home runs out the park. The key is to play and practice daily and never give up.  Every anniversary is like winning the world series and we are approaching our 24th year of marriage. (Wow!)

I’m not a marriage guru. I only speak from experience. I’m learning marriage is more like a best friend relationship. A best friend that you share everything with and you feel comfortable sharing. It’s nothing you won’t hold back. It’s a true transparency thing. Communication has been the most difficult on my part. The past few years is when I noticed I had a communication problem. To be honest, I was going to walk away from my marriage.

I left my marriage momentarily a few years ago because I felt I wasn’t being heard. I believed that was the best way to get my husband’s attention. We reconciled by the grace of God but it wasn’t easy mending our relationship. I can remember it got worse before it got better. I questioned if I should’ve came back home and I had many sleepless nights.

The changing point for me is when I decided that I wanted my marriage. It didn’t matter if my hubby wasn’t doing everything I thought he should be doing. I decided to look at me and that’s when I saw myself clearly. I realized that I made big issues out of nothing. I realized that I did and said hurtful things to my husband. I saw that I was partly the blame for the turmoil in our marriage. So, now I’m thankful that our marriage was restored, and I can truly teach others about restoring a marriage.

You only need to muster up 20 seconds of courage to do anything. Everything I’ve ever done, I was petrified when doing it. I figured if it has to been done, I’ll have to do it trembling and shaking. I am a person who believed that others have great abilities. But I’m around to just encourage and exalt others behind closed doors.  It was much easier for me to go living life that way. I’ve battled with keeping my writings to myself. I thought everybody doesn’t need to know all that stuff about me. I just didn’t want to let people inside of my life.

But each day, I encounter many people who are hurt, confused, and ashamed. As I look at those people, it is as if a mirror is in front of me. I am them. They are me. We are each other.

Here’s where the 20 seconds count. Have you ever had an unction that you should say something to a woman at Target? So, you do and you find out that she just lost her husband and she doesn’t have any family.  But you by just taking that deep breath and saying that hello, you and she became friends for 20 seconds. I don’t know what my 20 seconds can offer someone, but I’m hopeful to impact whoever I come in contact with.

I encourage you to do what you always dreamed. Don’t worry about the money, your ability; or obstacles. Take a deep breath and use your 20 seconds to be courageous.