Author: Kaleathia Murphy

I am learning to be unbothered.

It may sound simple, but it actually takes effort to learn this useful skill. One of the most important things to understand is that being unbothered doesn’t mean you don’t care. It means you care but you choose not to waste your energy on things you cannot control.

There are so many things in life that are simply outside of your control:

what people think about you,

what people say about you,

how people react to you,

or even the outcome of your efforts.

But there are things you can control.

You can control your actions.

You can control your responses.

You can control your effort.

You can control your character.

In other words, you can only control you.

You might be loved today and disliked tomorrow. That’s not always in your hands. Learning to be unbothered means you stop reacting to everything that crosses your path.

Not everything deserves your response.

Real peace begins when you stop trying to manage everything around you and start mastering yourself. Some things simply are what they are. The moment you stop wrestling with them is the moment you take your power back.

Your identity is built by your behavior what you do every single day, good or bad. Over time, those small actions begin to shape who you are. Your identity forms from the habits you practice, the choices you repeat, and the standards you live by.

You don’t wait to become the kind of person you want to be.

You begin acting like that person now until it sticks.

Every action you take is a vote for your future self.

Each time you show up, try again, learn something new, or practice discipline, you’re casting a vote for the person you are becoming. And the more votes you cast in that direction, the more natural that identity begins to feel.

Your beliefs, expectations, and standards are also shaped by what you see repeatedly. What you’re exposed to every day slowly becomes what you assume is normal.

That’s why your environment matters so much.

And today, one of the strongest environments influencing us is our digital one. What you watch, scroll through, listen to, and follow every day is quietly shaping your mindset, your confidence, and even your expectations for your own life.

So be intentional.

Choose habits that support the person you want to become.

Surround yourself both in real life and digitally with what lifts you higher.

Because little by little, day by day, you are building the person you will one day look back and recognize as yourself.

The best advice I’ve learned and something I try not to forget is this: nothing is missing.

You already have everything you need inside of you. The challenge isn’t that you lack something. The challenge is all the noise around you.

When life gets loud with opinions, expectations, and distractions, it’s easy to start believing you’re missing something. Maybe you think you don’t have the right skills, enough talent, enough intelligence, or even the clarity to see what’s next.

But that’s not the truth.

When you quiet the noise, something powerful happens. You begin to hear yourself again. The answers you were searching for start to rise to the surface.

Deep down, you know who you are.

You know what you want.

You know what you need.

You know who you should talk to.

You know what you need to start doing and what you need to stop doing.

Sometimes the wisdom we’re searching for isn’t out there somewhere waiting to be found.

It’s already within us, waiting for us to listen.

You are whole.

You are complete.

You already have everything you need.

You’re not the young girl you used to be.

You’re also not your mistakes. Those moments don’t define you. Life has a way of growing you, stretching you, and evolving you into someone new. When you look back, you can see just how far you’ve come.

But sometimes the people around you haven’t gotten the update.

They’re still running old data. Old assumptions. Old versions of who you used to be. Even when the new you is standing right in front of them, they keep interacting with the memory of who you once were.

And the strange part is, time doesn’t always fix that. You can spend years around people who still haven’t adjusted their view of you.

So what do you do when people insist on treating you like your old self?

You keep being the new you anyway.

You don’t shrink to make their version of you comfortable. You don’t go backward just because someone refuses to move forward in how they see you. Growth isn’t something you apologize for.

Eventually, people either update their understanding of you or they keep holding onto the old story.

But that choice belongs to them.

Your job is simply to keep becoming.

You know what I never understood? Why people put plastic on their couches.

I’m not saying it to be disrespectful—it’s just something that always puzzled me. Why have something in your home that you can’t really sit on or be comfortable with? Furniture is meant to be lived in.

I think that question shaped the way I buy things now. I only want things that I truly love so I can actually enjoy them.

The other day my husband and I were sitting on the couch. I got up to grab some grapes so I could come back and sit down and snack. He looked at me and asked, “You’re going to sit on the couch and eat the grapes?”

I said, “I sure am.”

We bought this couch because we both love it. And if something spills, we can wipe it off. That’s what living in your home looks like.

I’m not the type of person who saves things just to look at them. I don’t wait for special occasions to wear or use the things I love. If I buy something beautiful, I want it to be part of my everyday life.

Because the truth is, these won’t be the nicest things I’ll ever own.

There will always be something newer, better, or more expensive down the road. So why not enjoy what you have right now?

Life isn’t meant to be covered in plastic.

It’s meant to be lived in.

Who knows what’s going to happen in life?

We make decisions based on the information we have about ourselves at the time. That’s all any of us can really do. Then life moves forward and throws its curveballs and we adjust.

Life doesn’t guarantee a worry-free or carefree journey. But it does offer something just as valuable: great stories and powerful lessons, if you allow yourself to see them that way.

I went to college. I even went to graduate school. And when I look at my life now, I realize something interesting I’m not working in my specialized field. But somehow, I’m still doing something I always wanted to do.

I didn’t plan it this way.

And yet, I love how it worked out.

Life has a way of taking the pieces we thought belonged somewhere else and rearranging them into something that fits us even better.

Looking back, I can see that I’m exactly where I need to be.

And the best part?

This is only the beginning.

Too Old? Says Who?

Too old to do what?

And who told you that?

If you’re basing that belief on society or other people, well… there’s the problem.

Let me ask you something.

Do you still have energy?

Do you still have the capacity to create?

Do you still feel curiosity about life?

Are you still breathing?

If the answer is yes, then you still have time.

Age isn’t a limit on creativity. It isn’t a deadline on becoming. The only thing that changes with age is that you now have something powerful you didn’t have before life experience.

And that experience becomes fuel.

You have more stories.

More wisdom.

More perspective.

More depth to create from.

As long as you’re breathing, you can build, explore, imagine, and create.

Life isn’t meant to be aged out of.

It’s meant to be played through at every stage.

Negative people will destroy your life if you allow them to stay too long.

You may think you’re lifting them up, helping them, or being there for them. But in reality, they’re pulling you down. Slowly. Quietly. Until you start noticing the changes in yourself.

You’re less productive. Less motivated. Less joyful.

Suddenly there are conflicts and disagreements that seem to come out of nowhere. Tension. Frustration. Anger. But it’s not random that’s the weight that often comes with carrying someone else’s negativity.

The real question becomes: how long will you allow someone to contaminate your life?

Imagine what that constant energy is doing to your mind… to your peace… to your mental health.

At some point, you have to choose yourself.

And sometimes choosing yourself means being okay with letting certain people go.

I didn’t have to settle when we chose our apartment. And that feels significant.

I knew exactly what I wanted. A two-bedroom. High-end finishes. Matte black details specifically. An island where we could place barstools. A refrigerator with ice and water on the outside. And most importantly to me? A balcony.

As we toured different apartments, I found myself visualizing my life in each one. Cooking in the kitchen. Sitting on the balcony. Walking through the rooms like they were already mine. Each place we viewed was upscale each one nicer than the last. And surprisingly, I felt like I belonged in every single one.

There was a time when I didn’t believe I could live in a place like that. It felt like a distant, hopeful dream. Something other people experienced. Not me. But somewhere along the way, my mindset shifted. I realized there’s nothing wrong with wanting the best for yourself.

The key is this you still have to be doing something. You still have to move. Work. Grow. Position yourself. Things don’t just fall into your lap. But when preparation meets opportunity? You don’t have to shrink back.

Now, I’m not ashamed of desiring quality. I’m not embarrassed by wanting excellence. I don’t apologize for expecting more.

I don’t settle anymore. 

I’m getting into fashion. Not the runway kind just clothing. More specifically, my personal style. And I have to admit, I’ve never really had one. I wore what fit. I wore what I could afford. That was the strategy.

But now? I’m choosing what makes me look good and feel good.

I’m asking new questions when I shop:

Do I feel confident in this?

How’s the material?

Will this last?

Is this a no-fail outfit?

I don’t want anything in my closet that I’m unsure about. If I hesitate, it doesn’t belong. That’s the new rule.

I’ve discovered that I look really good in color. And lately? I’m gravitating toward green. That rich Kate Spade green-Kelly green. It makes me feel regal. Luxurious. Like I have somewhere important to be, even if it’s just the grocery store.

I didn’t realize how much spending a little more time on myself could shift things. I’m wearing makeup. I’m learning how to paint my nails and I actually enjoy seeing color on them. It’s become a weekly ritual. A small but intentional act of care.

I’m loving prioritizing me. Taking time for self-care. Taking up space. I want to be overdressed. I want to be doing the most. Because a year ago, I didn’t even want to be seen.

Oh, what a year can bring.